Finding Balance by Being Flexibly Rigid
It may seem like a conflict in terms to be flexibly rigid but for me, the words have become my motto. As a work-from-home / homeschooling mom I have found that being flexibly rigid has been the only way to achieve a sense of balance in my day.
Balance is often something we continue to want, need and strive for, but rarely feel like we have. I sometimes think balance is more a state of mind than an actual livable reality. Either way, finding the balance between the many hats we wear as women is an important and noble quest.
For the longest time I have resisted the word “schedule.” I can’t stand the idea of being bound by the clock. I think it is a part of my rebellious personality. It’s that same rebellious personality that has spurred me to birth my kids at home, homeschool them and to start my own business. I rather like being the boss of my time and having a schedule dangling over my head has always been a problem for me.
As my kids have grown, my ability to shift my perspective and hold to a schedule has actually increased. There are less of those unforeseen interruptions that plagued our days when they were little. Things such as super glue on the floor, markers on the wall, gum in a sibling’s hair or that all too familiar but terrorizing sense of silence that puts a deep fear in any mother that has a toddler.
With a teenager and a pre-teen, I now have the ability to be more flexible with my day and my time. The concept of flexibility has always been something I love. I value having the option to school my kids or call it a free day. Homeschooling allows for spontaneous creativity and learning and I thrive on that. At the same time, homeschooling a high-school student has a new level of accountability attached to it. Records and grades have become relevant and important to have.
I have also created a business that I love and desire to spend a good deal of time working in. So the question for me was how to balance my business with my commitment to homeschool my kids, all while working from home. I found my answer through a bit of self coaching.
As a coach I ask a lot of questions, knowing the answers to most of our problems lie within us.
Some of the questions I asked were:
- What are the tasks I need/desire to get done in a particular day or week?
- What am I committed to accomplishing or doing with my time?
- Are the things I am committed to serving me?
- How can I use my natural rhythms and cycles to accomplish my goals?
- Are my goals in alignment with my values?
- Is there anything I am resisting?
The answers I came up with were very insightful. I found that for me, it is important to have flexibility and spontaneity in my homeschool day. I like having a set apart time to get our school work done, but I don’t like having math, science and history at the same time every day. I like to leave some space for creative learning and spontaneous projects. By having a start time and a stopping time for our homeschooling, I feel like the school day has edges that support it but don’t limit it.
Oddly, regarding my business it is the opposite. I have a certain number of hours to commit to my business each week and the time needs to be divided up very well between marketing, serving clients, record keeping and my own growth as a professional coach. Making this portion of my life more precise and specific has allowed me to feel assured that the many different areas of my business are getting the attention they deserve.
For me being flexible and yet rigid has many positive outcomes. I can be flexible within my school day and allow for spontaneity, yet rigid in our start times and our completion times. This allows me to not answer the phone if I am schooling my kids or to stop unnecessary interruptions from bumping us off track, yet hold the space open for creative input and inspiration.
In my business I am flexible with my clients, always putting their agenda in the forefront, yet pretty specific with my own business time. Making sure I am working on the many areas of my business, allows me a greater sense of accomplishment and integrity as a business owner.
I think people can often misunderstand the term rigid. For me it is synonymous with supportive. It is a structure that I have in place that allows me to work with my natural preferences and yet remain committed to and in alignment with my big picture goals – as a work-at-home mom that also home schools, this formula has proven to be very valuable to me.
As you think about the many hats you wear in a typical day and how to best honor them and yourself, may I challenge you to contemplate the questions above and to ask yourself:
- What structures or support system can I put into place to ensure my success?
- Am I setting realistic measurable goals or asking for way too much?
- Could being more flexible serve me?
- Could protecting my time or being more rigid serve me?
- What are my beliefs about time?
Life coaching is all about learning to live on purpose and with purpose. As you approach your day, your schedule, your “to-do” list – I encourage you to search your soul and your intentions and to work with your own unique style to create an answer for you.
Jenny Vanhoff is owner and creator of Shine Alive- coaching you toward a life you’re in love with. She enjoys working with women who desire to live their passion and create more time and energy in their life. She challenges her clients to live with purpose and extreme joy. You can find out more by visiting her website www.shinealive.com
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